Xavier aka Rudolph
So... I will try this post again since I had to walk away in frustration yesterday.
Things are going great! I feel wonderful, this weird ass diet is working! No more headaches, yeah life is good. I am back to editing pics. Even got around to doing a fantasy piece again.
Edited some pics from the trip down south that made me realize that something was wrong with my belongings and not me!
So yeah this is not as good of a post as I had written up last night. Heck if anything it is minimalistic. But it's a start.
So I am off for a walk!
Namaste
It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” ~Bilbo Baggins
There are times that I really hate Voxes posting. Well.. I had a huge post but clicked on a pic that I was putting on the post by accident and of course it took me to the pic and lost my whole post... so blah.
I cannot get enough of it. Just IV it for me K?
I originally posted this story on Sparkpeople, but I have friends here that I wanted to share this with, you have all been on the rollercoaster ride with my health over the past few years, the ups and the downs. I have just not felt like blogging for awhile now. With the ups and downs with my health I just have not felt like doing much of anything for months now.
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Over the past 5 years I have laid the blame of my weight anywhere I could. From my husbands diabetes (uncontrolled so he tends to go low alot, meaning he eats often, which means I would munch with him alot of times) , to Lyme disease, to depression.
I started at 126 lbs in December of '04.
It seems a life time ago.
Within a few months I had gone from a size 8-10 to a size 16, I never
imagined walking down the isle in July of '05 in an extremely tight
size 16 dress. (it was not tight in May when I bought it!) I can hardly
look at my wedding pics because I can't see past the bulges,
remembering how I had to squeeze into one of those body molding
underwears that pulls all your fat in and hides it.
By Christmas of '05 I was pushing a size 20.
I started having all sorts of weird pains, heart wise and musculature around October of '05. My energy level was low, I was still walking daily. I just wasn't' building up any endurance... or losing weight.
In June '07 I was struck by a case of bells palsy with a side of shingles that had attacked the same side of my face as the palsy. My health was deteriorating faster than I could explain to the doctor.
We initially were trying to diagnose me as having lymes disease. Everything going wrong with me pointed in that direction. But the tests kept coming back negative. My heart was starting to really give me the worst trouble after the bells palsy. I was bed ridden most days. The pains through my body had me bed ridden the other days. Finally my doc just didn't know what to do anymore and suggested I try a holistic approach with another doctor.
She was giving up on me.
I almost gave up... on everything.
I finally made an appt back with her and she put me on anti depressants after I had a break down in her office. Needless to say they did nothing for me and the husband and I started making plans to move out of overcast rainy New England to sunny Arizona thinking that my problem was S.A.D. aka seasonal affective disorder. Massachusetts had been in a 4 year bout of constant daily overcast, cold rainy days.
After the move I felt great for a few weeks. I had a lot of days down recuperating. My energy had bottomed out over the years to the point where just getting out of bed winded me. I started eating healthy again, cut alot of junk food out of my diet and started to get sick. Real sick, I started having anxiety attacks often and felt as if I was worse then before the move. I would end up back in bed eating comfort foods trying to build my strength back up. I gained back every pound that I had lost.
Finally something clicked, a few weeks ago the husband and I left the house for a few days. I felt great! A bit wore out, but all in all really good. The day after we got back home I was sick again, and that is when it clicked. I realized something in the house was making me sick. Going back over the years the one constant that followed us through our moves was our furniture.
In the late winter/early spring of '05 our basement flooded from snow run off. We didn't know it right away since we never used it and it was just storage. I started smelling something odd, mildewy and moldy. We went down and found that the basement had molded from the flood. Huge blooms of black mold covered the whole downstairs, walls, boxes, old clothing. Everything was covered in black mold. We promptly cleaned it all out, tore down the dry wall and cleaned up best we could.
Around fall of '05 we noticed black mold starting to show up through the house. I bought some spray that supposedly would kill it. Not once in all this time though did I ever bother to read up on it.
When we moved in June '07 a week after I was diagnosed with the bells palsy, we moved all our belongings to our new house. All our furniture, which would have had black mold spores on them. We found out that winter that our new house's basement flooded, every time there was a melt off, or heavy rains. So yet more black mold sprouted.
All of this dawned on me a few weeks ago as I sat here wondering what in Gods name is wrong with me. So I finally, after 5 years have got around to researching if black mold can harm you.
It does!
Every thing that I have complained to my doctor about over the past 5 years is a symptom of toxic black mold syndrome.
Every time that I felt better was my body killing the spores in my body. The resulting couple days of down time afterwards was the poisons that the dying bacteria were releasing into my body to repopulate themselves. It is actually a very wild reaction that happens when mass amounts of bacteria die off in the body called The Herxheimer Reaction they release up to 79 different toxic products when they die! They get in the bloodstream and travel to all parts of the body where they can cause all sorts of havok.
It's going to be a long road to recovery from what I have read. But with just a few days down now and knowing this time, that this feeling sick now is a good thing and sticking with the healthy eating.. well I think I can do it this time.
My outlook is positive finally! FINALLY!
I have a goal and I can actually see it. It is not the goal of a number
on a scale, it is the goal of getting the old energetic me back. The me
that wasn't sick every single day.
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*This all began 2 weeks ago, I cut gluten out of my diet and the change in my life was immediate. I began with my black mold treatment today. So I am praying that good things happen with that!*
*The real meaning behind this post is, research what is wrong with you.
Don't ever let yourself believe that your doctor has a crystal ball and
can diagnose you. Some things in your life they cannot know about. What
doctor would have just randomly asked "Hey do you have black mold in
your house?" In real life that just doesn't happen. We have to take
care of ourselfs and research and then go to our doctor with what we
have found. But most of all, be alert to what is going on around you
and with your health, your doctor can only diagnose by what you tell
them.*
Woot!
Change of plans! We're flying out to see my family this year and we leave TUESDAY! I won't be back until January 5th. That's right, I get a 2 week vacation.
Life is WONDERFUL. One more work day and I can spend my holiday in peace. I really need a break from work. I'm starting to get burned out and I have been very negative lately. I need some space to just remember that it's just work, not personal, and time to take a step back.
Nathan had his first Christmas play today. He was a shepard and had actual speaking roles. He did very well. I was so proud of him and I can't believe how big he has gotten. Such a great kid I have :)
I can feel the baby! It is awesome. Just little quivers for now but it is enough to make me smile.
Still feeling morning sick. Still exhausted.
I'm ready for bed at about 6pm...which is pathetic.
I'm excited about the next two weeks in Nevada and California. It's amazing to think by the time I get back I'll be 17 weeks and just about ready to find the sex of the baby. Which means we're 1/2 way through the pregnancy. I cannot believe how fast it is all going. I cannot wait to hold the little one in my arms :)
That really is what I've got to do - the term is over at both institutions - THANK FUCKING GOD....and grades are posted for the college, so that means 1/2 of my work is done. Unfortunately, I extended my deadlines for the university folks, mainly because I had to cancel each class once so I could go to Tucson, so I felt guilty, so those didn't finish coming in until an hour ago - and now the piles abound...again. I'm soooo ready to my apartment floors to be free of piles of student work and covered instead with wrapping paper....and it will be soon, I just have to get 'em done....
Home with the sickie kid.
He woke up with pink eye and a achy ear too. Just keeps getting better. He's so sick and cuddly though. He just wants to be by his momma and I feel bad that my mother in law will have to get him soon. I kinda wish I could just stay home and cuddle with him.
Tonight is my Christmas party. I am excited to go but a little iffy about not being home with Nathan. I guess I'm super maternal since I'm pregnant. Normally I wouldn't really care but I like being the mom and making the pain and sickies go away.
I'm sure I will have stories tomorrow. :) Stay healthy!
We had our first scare two days ago. I was about to go to bed when I realized I was spotting. It took me 2.5 seconds to freak out and think of all the bad things that could be happening. I called the doctor early the next morning and they got me in right away. That's what happens when there is a huge snow storm and no one wants to leave their house. They cancel all appointments and let us crazy people come in right away :) I was thankful.
We got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the 2nd time in two days. LOL. It made me feel good. Doc wasn't worried at all. Looks like it was just my baby growing and pushing stuff around in my insides. Awesome.
Nathan is sick. They didn't call us to come and get him but they wouldn't let him play with any of the other kids. He had to sit in another room my himself and read books. To me that seems a little harsh. If it's not bad enough for us to come and get him, why make him feel like a freak? Not to happy about it. He's going to stay home with me tomorrow for a while and then go stay with grandma so I can go to work. It is so hard to be a mom and work full time. Sometimes, like when my kid (soon kids) are sick I just want to be able to stay home and take care of them.
